Me - You - Us
by toobeauty
Summary: Alexander does it again and he will have to work hard to get his lover back. There's a reference to "I is for Invisible" from my Alphabet challenge.
1. I know him so well

TITLE: Because I know him so well ...

AUTHOR: Too_beauty.

CHARACTER: Hephaestion, Alexander (implied)

RATING: PG

CATEGORY: Alternative Universe.

DISCLAMER: I do not know the people involved; they belong to History and to themselves but I would not mind sharing my life with Phai! *sighs*

WARNING: Angst and more angst.

NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.

Author's note: The words in bold belong to the lyrics "I know him so well" sung by the wonderful voices of John Barrowman (My Captain Jack) and Danile Boys. The song belongs to the musical "Chess". There are many duets singing this song but these two men beat the rest.

This is for classyblue who gave the last lines ...

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Ecbatana 324 BC.

Hephaestion was not feeling well even though his health was excellent; he had never been stronger or bulkier; even his handsome features were more remarkable. Hephaestion's problem was his heart, which was failing miserably to his master; his heart that was tired to battle not men but feelings; feelings that once – many years ago – were pure and true and now they were just swallow feelings.

The rift between the King and the Chiliarch was widening everyday and what it was worse was that people realized; it was so notorious that even children looked at him with pity.

He was – once again- alone in his chamber; he had been sitting there, at his desk, trying to write a letter to master Aristotle but it had beenm fruitless; many crumpled scrolls were the proof of that.

"_I am losing my words and if I do, I know that I will turn invisible " _thought the brunette. This had already happened, years ago, when Alexander was newly-wed but they were able tp sort things out that time.

Hephaestion sighed loudly and giving a serious second thought to his dilemma, he realized that, this time, there was no way out.

He stood up and walked towards the big bed, adorned with a midnight blue blanket with little suns embroided in it; a bed where he slept alone most ofd the nights, well, all of his nights since last fall. He lie on it, rested his brunette head on a soft pilow and looking at the painting of Achilles and Patroclus on the wall, he began to speak wearing his heart on the sleeve:

**Nothing is so good it lasts eternally, perfect situations must go wrong **and they really did,**but this has never yet prevented me, wanting far too much for far too long **because I have always thought what Alexander promised was true – together , until the end, my soul mate-

**Looking back I could have played it differently **I should have never let my heart take decisions, **won a few more moments who can tell **but being diplomatic and respectfuñ only brought me more pain.

**But it took time to understand the man **, this man that is the biggest enigma I have ever met. **Now at least I know I know him well **and he would not be able to trick me again.

**Wasn't it good? **All what he had

**Wasn't he fine? **Of course he was

**Isn't it madness He can't be mine? **And that is why I am falling apart.

**But in the end he needs a little bit more than me **, more than I can give him

**More security , he needs his fantasy and freedom **to do as he wished

**I know him so well **now and becasue of that, I am giving up.

**No one in your life is with you constantly **, friends and partners come and go,

**No one is completely on your side **even your soul matecan betray you more than once,

**And though I move my world to be with him **I chose his dream and made it mine, **still the gap between us is too wide **and getting wider

**Looking back I could have played things some other way , **I shouldn't have been so blind,** looking back I could have played it differently **I should have asked for more; **learned about the man before I fell **because when I realized about some of his flaws, it was already late.

**I was just a little careless maybe **, I was a teen too mich in love, **but I was ever so much younger then **and I believed that nothing would tear us apart.

**Now at least I know him well **and so this time I will stay away.

**He won't be mine **alone becasue his heart is just too big to love me only.

**Didn't I know how it would go? **Yes I knew it but I didn't care in that moment. **If I knew from the start **that he would never be only mine, **Why am I falling apart? **If I already knew that would be the result.

**He won't be mine **because he does not love me as he used to. **It took time to understand him **– twenty years of being by his side but now **I know him so well **and that is enough!

And Hephaestion, for the second time in his lief became invisible, whispering just a single plea to his king:

_- "Alexander, make me understand why I am not enough"_

_

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_I have reached more than 56,000 words in my NaNoWriMo novel and I am really proud of myself!

I am sending Christmas cards anywhere so you have time to PM until December 1st and send me your home address if you want to get one!


	2. What about us?

TITLE: What about us?

AUTHOR: Too_beauty.

CHARACTER: Alexander, Hephaestion (implied)

RATING: PG

CATEGORY: Alternative Universe.

DISCLAMER: I do not know the people involved; they belong to History and to themselves but I would not mind sharing my life with Phai! *sighs*

WARNING: Angst and more angst. It was supposed to be a fix-it songfic but my muse decided anhother thing ...

NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.

Author's note: The words in bold belong to the lyrics "What about us" sung by the wonderful voice of John Barrowman (My Captain Jack).

**This is a sequel to "I know him so well", both belong to the series "You- Me- Us".**

**

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**

Everyone had seen the signs of the break-up, except the two parts involved; they were so immersed in their problems that their "time together" had become their time to exchange reproaches, past mistakes and present failures. Long and lost were the times when both lovers shared kisses, hugs and tender moments ...

Alexander knew that something was bothering Hephaestion but the General had been too closed-lipped these last days to reveal what it was. However, the king had an idea; the last time that something similar happened it was caused by Alexander himself, when he took Hephaestion for granted.

It took the king almost to die to recover his lover and now he had done it again. Hephaestion was disappearing once more because he felt he _"was not enough"._

Wise Ptolemy had warned him about this imminent peril but Alexander had not taken his warning seriously. So here was the King of the known world – a week after the chaos started – speaking his heart out in a similar balcony to the one his distressed former lover had pronounced those fatal words.

How did the King know? LadyLight had listened to his friend's last words and had run the whole palace, looking for Alexander to tell him about it.

"**Guess we've been talking too long **and for the first time we couldn't make ends meet, **we know what we need separately **and that is so wrong.** You say the honeymoon's over **I know this can be true but we can still try. **I don't wanna push **you and go on asking **but what about us? **Is still there an us? Because I do want to have a second chance.

Alexander sat on the love seat in the balcony and letting his two-coloured eyes wander beyond the palace gates, he murmured painfully:all you said that night but **it's not what you say, It's what you haven't said **what worries me because I could clearly read it in your eyes."

- "It's ringing in my head

Bagoas entered the chamber carrying a tray with some wine and food but Alexander sent him away, without looking at him once. The Persian boy knew immediately who his King was suffering for and it saddened him because both lovers were so much in pain.

As he was closing the heavy wood door, he listened to his King's lament:

" **So What about us? **We are meant to be together since the beginning, **what about love? **Isn't it anymore in your heart for me?. **What about saying that we'll never give up? **After all that we had to tolerate to be together!**  
Don't wanna blame ya, **I would never do that but **we're in danger **and I feel afraid of losing you; **so what about us? **Is still there an _us_ to save? "

Alexander felt so restless that he stood up and started to pace along the balcony; some of his companions saw their friend walking and even though they wanted to help him, well, them, they didn't know how.

The royal steps were accompanied by sadder words:

" **Guess we've been trying too hard **for so long to be together that now that we got it, we could lose it; **we misunderstood what's good for us **because we are always on the move, in fact I asm the one pushing you always further. **I'm tired emotionally inside **and I don't know what to feel anymore. **Night after night, we fight till we cry **and then one of us leave the other alone, hurting in the dark.I can't see it anymore. **Is every word you say what's really on your mind? **Because if that is the truth, I don't want to listen to it."

I don't know what's wrong or right,

With these last words, the young King hit the marble wall, making his knuckles bleed. Feeeling the tiny red drops run down his fingers, he opened his heart and poured it out:

" **When we love,we lie **because we don't feel free to voice it out anymore; **when we talk,we hide **things so we don't hurt the other more. **Maybe I'm searching blind **trying to find a way out of this mess that hurts us so much. **I'm worn out, confused **and that unables me to think right. So I have to ask you **what are we to you? **Are we just Alexander and Hephaestion separately? **What are we doin'? What are we doin'? **please tell me we are not definitely falling apart..."

Alexander finally headed to his writing desk, sat on the chair and taking a new scroll, he wrote his deepest sorrow:

- "** So what about us? **My soul mate, my better half; **what about love? **I love you just as the first day; **that's the one thing we never discuss **because we took our love for granted and it is not anymore!**  
Don't wanna blame ya **but you have been so quiet since my marriage to Roaxane and you should know that that means nothing to me; **but we're in danger **and I am terrified; I don't want to live a day apart from you again.**  
What about us? **MyPhai, we promised each other many things ...

Let's talk about us and solve this situation that is breaking my heart and tearing us apart.

When he finished writing, Alexander stood up, washed his face, changed his blood-stained chiton and walked out of his chamber, decided to take their future tight between his hands.


	3. You  Me US

TITLE: You + Me = US

AUTHOR: Too_beauty.

CHARACTER: Alexander, Hephaestion, LadyLight.

RATING: R

CATEGORY: Alternative Universe.

DISCLAMER: I do not know the people involved; they belong to History and to themselves but I would not mind sharing my life with Phai! *sighs*

WARNING: Angst and love.

NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.

Author's note: The words in bold belong to the lyrics "When I look into your eyes" by Firehouse.

**This is the sequel to "What about us?", and the last songfic of the series "You - Me- Us".**

**

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**

Alexander knocked at Hephaestion's door - a new experience for the king who used to charge inside without asking for his lover's permission. The guards, standing outside the General's chamber did not dare to move but when the king was about to knock for a second time, the guard on the left told Alexander that Hephaestion did not want to answer the door, no matter whoever was. Alexander clearly understood that he was included in that whomever.

Alexander leaned on the wall, crossed his arms over his chest and his feet at his ankles. The guards exchanged a weird look between them but none spoke a word. An hour later, the king let himself slid along the wall and ended sat on the floor, with his legs outstretched, his hands resting on his lap and his chin over his upper chest.

The guards left their post, being replaced immediately by the ones on the evening shift. Both guards were shocked seeing the king there and were about to speak when LadyLight appeared, carrying a tray with food for Hephaestion.

"What are you doing on the floor, Alex?" asked the small woman.

"Waiting to talk to Hephaestion. "

"Didn't you knock?"

"He told the guards he wanted to speak to no one."

"So, why are you still waiting?" she asked confused.

"Because he may go out for his night stroll and I could have the chance"

"He doesn't do that anymore" LadyLight said.

"Ah! Why not?"

"Because he has no one to go with" she stated dryly.

The expression in the king's face was full of despair.

"He means the world to me, sunshine" the king whispered.

"Well, it doesn't look like that, neither for me, nor for him"

"I know now and that's why I want to speak to him. I want to ask for his forgiveness."

"Again? You did that once, he forgave you and you failed him again" answered LadyLight, letting the king listen to her angry voice.

"I know, I am a fool to think that he will take me back, but even if he does not want to be with me again, we could, at least, be friends" he explained.

"Wouldn't you force him to take you back?"

"Never, I respect him as much as I love him"

"Fine, I'll pray to Aphrodite for both of you"

LadyLight knocked at the heavy wood door and a baritone voice answered through it:

"I said I didn't want to see anyone"

"I am not anyone and don't you dare to speak to me like that and through a closed door; open up immediately and take your food!" the woman nearly shouted.

"Sorry sunshine, I didn't mean to yell at you; thanks for the food but I am not hungry" he replied softly.

"I cooked it myself" the small woman could be really demanding when she wanted.

"Fine, in that case I'd make an exception"

"Good, see you later, and by the way, the king is sat on the floor outside your door" LadyLight said while leaving.

Hephaestion's eyes opened fully and anyone could easily read nervousness in them. He went inside the chamber, left the tray on his desk and reopened the door. He leaned on the doorframe and looking downwards, he cleared his voice and asked:

"Is there an imminent invasion, Sire?"

"No, there isn't" answered Alexander lifting his gaze from the floor.

"Is the palace burning?"

"No, it isn't"

"Have you run up of any of your comfort supplies"

"No, I haven't"

"So?"

"I wanted to speak to you" Alexander murmured.

"But I don't feel like now; maybe tomorrow or any other day before our next campaign or maybe … never" answered the brunette.

Alexander stood up and with a sheepish look in his face whispered:

"Could you let me know when it is convenient for you?"

"Stephanos or Theo will inform you, Sire. Health to you, my king" said Hephaestion with a clear voice, putting emphasis on "king".

"Health to you too, my love" whispered Alexander and returned to his chamber.

As soon as he closed the door, Hephaestion leaned onto the wall trying to regain his breath that was coming out in small puffs through his tightened lips. _"I won't disappear again; I will not let anyone crack me, not even him"_

Days went by and neither Stephanos nor Theo gave Alexander any message from Hephaestion. The king's mood was getting darker and quieter and not even his last victories and gained treasures made him happy. On the other hand, everyone saw Hephaestion different, more confident and open to share more of his time with the rest of the companions. He was still a bit reserved but his voice could be listened in every meeting, and sometimes he raised his voice against the king's opinion.

Some of the companions, especially Cassander and Craterous saw this change with happiness; if they could gain Hephaestion on their side, they would become stronger inside the Army.

But the ones who knew Hephaestion better realized that the brunette Chiliarch was just wearing a thick mask, a mask that covered the real state of his soul and heart, that according to LadyLight, was shattered to pieces.

While Hephaestion looked stronger, both in health and will, Alexander lost his appetite and only drank water; meanwhile Hephaestion took part in the banquets and spent time with his peers, Alexander retired early to his chamber alone and both were still able to hide their yearning for each other.

Alexander had convinced himself that Hephaestion would never give him another chance so he tried to move on; at least he would try to stop looking so sad and go back to his obligations. Hephaestion really wanted to talk to Alexander but the king's attitude wasn't helping, he appeared devoid of will, as if his life energy had abandoned him. Hephaestion still loved Alexander deeply but not this weak version, a mere torch instead of his almighty sun.

Hephaestion wanted his Alexander back, the one he fell in love twenty years ago; the one who conquered the Persian Empire and brought ancient and exotic cultures together; the one and only that make his heart skip a beat whenever he was near.

Hephaestion also knew that the chance of getting everything back was in his hands. Alexander had left to Hephaestion's will the choice for the best moment to talk; so the Chiliarch knew that it was his time to listen to Alexander's explanation.

Alexander called for a meeting, all the companions were present and Hephaestion was sat to his right, as usual. The meeting was to inform them that they would spend winter at the palace, preparing to leave for Arabia as soon as the weather was warm. The meeting was over, the companions left the room and Alexander was about to leave too when a hand grabbed his elbow gently. Turning round, Alexander looked with surprise into cerulean eyes; Hephaestion was already speaking but Alexander was so nervous that he couldn't listen to any of the words Hephaestion said.

"Are you fine?" asked Hephaestion slightly worried.

"Yes, sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was asking you if you had a moment to spare" Hephaestion asked again.

"Of course, what do you need?" asked Alexander

"Months ago you asked me time to talk but it was not a good time for me in that moment. I think that it is now our chance, so I will listen to you and then we can both decide where this is going if it is going somewhere from now on. Just let me tell you that I may not agree with you at all and that I can walk away … definitely this time. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Yes, I do, and I will respect any decision you take, even if it is against my liking" said Alexander.

"You have always respected my decisions so I don't doubt you will honor it. So let's start this conversation"

Alexander took a seat again, he knew he would not be able to say what he wanted if he were standing up. He looked at his former lover's eyes and said calmly:

"**I see forever when I look into your eyes **because I know I can drown in them and you will save me;** you are all I ever wanted, I always want you to be mine **as I want to be only yours. **Let's make a promise till the end of time, we will always be together and our love will never die, **we will build it up strong again, without doubts and what ifs"

Hephaestion looked back at him, without blinking, taking each word into his heart to process them, to understand them, to cherish them …

Alexander continued with his talking, his voice getting a bit steadier as he didn't feel Hephaestion's rejection.

"**So here we are face to face and heart to heart, **trying to sort out this mess I have created.** I want you to know we will never be apart **because I'd do up to the impossible to make it up to you.** Now I believe that wishes can come true, **you have given me the chance to explain you what was messing my mind and** because I see my whole word, I see only you **I wish you could see me again as that Alexander you fell in love with years ago."

Hephaestion smiled that tiny smile of his, the one he reserved just for his Xander, and that gentle gesture encouraged the king to go on.

"**When I look into your eyes, **eyes that I've learned to love in all these years together,** I can see how much I love you **because they are the reflection of my own heart **and it makes me realize when I look into your eyes, I see all my dreams come true when I look into your eyes **and that is all I really need"

Hephaestion moved to the other side of the meeting room; he really needed to put space between Alexander and him; the king's confession was so deep and sincere that he felt that the air was leaving his lungs. He wanted to stop the confession, grab Alexander in his arms and hug him tightly; he wanted to tell him that he was forgotten and that he had understood his reasons.

The brunette made a movement to stop Alexander's talking but the king put his hand up, making a sign to stop his General so he could go on. Hephaestion nodded and continued listening.

"**I've looked for you all of my life, **I knew the gods had reserved for me their best creation,** now that I've found you, we will never say goodbye **because I know that I am nothing without you.** I can't stop this feeling and there's nothing I can do, **in fact, there is nothing I want to do to stop loving you** because I see everything when I look at you **and you look at me and I definitely see an US" Alexander finished nodding slightly.

Hephaestion walked slowly towards his king, took his hands between his, and kissing them reverently, he just nodded back ...


	4. Epilogue

_**Epilogue.**_

Both men walked out of the meeting room slowly, even thought they wanted to run fast towards their chamber and made up the best way possible.

The guards outside the Royal chamber smiled as soon as King and Chiliarch entered the room. It had been long the last time that both lovers were inside together.

LadyLight appeared minutes later with a tray of food but she was stopped by the guards who informed her about the latest news. She squealed happily and left the tray for the guards to enjoy it.

The men inside the chamber were looking at each other nervously; they did not dare to make the first move yet so they sat on the big bed, side by side, without touching but looking forward to caressing each other.

Alexander turned round and cupped Hephaestion's cheek in his warm hand. He brushed the stubble on it with his thumb pad while getting lost into those two pools of blue heaven. Hephaestion smiled that tiny smile, only reserved for his Xander, and rested his face onto the royal hand. Alexander brushed, with that same hand, Hephaestion's closed lips back and forwards until his lips replaced his thumb. He kissed his lover tenderly, he did not want to make a rushed move and ruin things between them; he would be patient and follow Hephaestion's pace.

They kissed each other until oxygen was a vital need; then Hephaestion, taking Alexander's hands in his, made him stand up, removed the brooch that fastened the chiton and he let it pool onto Alexander's feet.

The king was invited to return the gesture and suddenly both naked young men were lying, embraced on the big bed. Hands travelled over their bodies, rediscovering a territory that was badly missed but never forgotten.

Alexander looked into Phai's cerulean eyes and the brunette nodded warmly. Alexander took the vial of sandalwood oil, prepared his lover and entered him softly, he didn't want to hurt him and he also wanted this moment to last forever.

Moans and words of love filled the former sad and quiet atmosphere and after some hours, two well sated men found their calmness, resting in their soul mates' arms.

Morpheus cradled both men in their sleep and once more peace was reinstalled on earth because Alexander and Hephaestion would be forever an **"us".**

Finis


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